twiistz:

i met a girl with 12 nipples
sounds funny
dozen tit

marielikestodraw:

pahnem:

mercuriesrising:

aparticularlygoodfinder:

Go to Starbucks. Order coffee for “Prisoner 24601”

When they call out your order, jump up and yell “My name is Jean Valjean!”

And if the barista replies with “AND I’M JAVERT,” you tip that motherfucker so hard

you tip them right over the edge of a bridge

you fucking didn’t

oh my god.

celeryandhummus:

our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s

they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”

encourage:

Do you ever get in those moods when everything annoys you and you’re just so irritated and nervous but you have no clue why, and you just want to punch a hole in the wall and then break down in tears?

2073:

money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference

mspgay:

snorlaxatives:

snorlaxatives:

aaaaalrighty-then:

snorlaxatives:

why is being alive so expensive

You spelled “suck” wrong.

???????????????????????????????

i literally can’t even tell what you’re trying to say

• why is being alive so suck
• why is being alive suck
• why is suck
• suck is being alive so expensive
• why suck so expensive

?????

 

thetowndrugdealer:

she turns on tv and guess who she sees? skater boy being arrested for drug possession